Monday, March 9, 2009

The Life of a Fundamental Guy


6:00 am: You wake up from bed, it's dark, cold, you're tired, and have to go to work. As you're stumbling through the hallway to get to the kitchen, you stub your toe on your 5-yr old's little rubber toy.

6:45 pm: Option A: you're driving to work and guess what, you're stuck in traffic.

Option B: You're on the bus sandwiched between two people who smell like feet

NOON: You've been working in your cubicle for over 5 hours, and for some reason, your boss tells you that you have to review the company's yearlong expenditures and document each and every taxable item because the company is being audited. Your cubicle buddy from the other side of the wall pokes his head over and says, "hey man, me and the guys are going out for Thai food, wanna join us?" you say "Aw man, I can't, i gotta go through all these files, but how about in like-" he interjects, "oh that sucks man. No worries, I'll see ya!" and books it. Then you discover that your lovely wife had packed you dried up lasagna that's cold, crusty, and about 2 weeks old precisely right now.

5:00 pm: It's been the whole day, you're tired, and just wanna go home. Then, naturally, your manager comes up to you and asks if you would be "so diligent, reliable, and his best worker yet" and be able to work overtime tonight to draft up a detailed report for HIM to use when he's announcing the company's performance to the stockholders. Again, your cubicle buddy comes over and says "hey man, me and the guys are gonna get some beer tonight and play some poker, wanna come?" You say, "Oh man that sounds awesome but I've got to help boss draft this-" again, he interjects, "Oh bummer dude, well, have a good weekend!" and peaces out.

7:00 pm: You finally get off work and start the drive home. Experiencing the effects of mother nature, you inevitably, and naturally, have to sit through rush hour. After miles of listening to "how to surprise your love with the gift of diamonds!" on the radio, you finally get home. As you enter the house, you say to yourself "oh thank god, I'm finally home!" Your cute little kid comes up to you and gives you a big hug and you think to yourself "ah, this is lovely..." he quickly interrupts your thought and says, "Daddy, George's over and we have to take him home." Like most normal people, you can't say no to your kids, and are forced to hit the roads again thinking and asking yourself why you listened to your conscience.

7:30 pm: After dropping off George or John or whatever his name is, you're driving away quickly, desperate to just go home to relax, be lazy, eat, lie down, and even-- hold it... Just then your kid goes, "Daddy I wanna go to McDonald's and Toys R Us after wards." You tell your kid in a calm gentle tone that you're extremely fatigued and exhausted, but guess what? Your kid goes ballistic and starts screaming and pulling on your hair so you have to give in because he/she's too young to give 'em the good ol' smack. Now, after an hour of playing on the big toys and shopping for a new stuffed animal, your KID wants to go home.

8:30 pm: You're finally home and your kid jumps right to the xbox and hogs the tv. You say to yourself, oh well, I can just read or do something else.... JUST RELAX... but nope. You have to wash the dishes, pay the bills, do the taxes, prepare dinner for the kids, because your lovely wife "Went out with friends, much love! P.S. there's a load of laundry waiting to be washed downstairs :-D"

11:00 pm: After tucking in your kid in bed, cleaning up after his mess, turning off all the lights that he left on, you literally pass the f**k out.

This is just a Friday, wanna know what a Saturday looks like? Wait for the next story.